Submitted by L Hill

If this were real, and I had access to this as a child, I would not be writing this today.

Submitted by Shaina

Why do they keep messing with the original? Apparently, some marketers are trying too hard to sell this awesome classic toy. Based on the product images below, here’s what Once Upon A Win concluded as the true intent of these toys:

The Shaken-Baby-Syndrome-n-Spin (yes, we just crossed that line. Handbasket, us, helll.)

WTF does Spiderman have to do with sitting and spinning? The Crappy Movie Tie-n-Spin. Does this shoot out webbing when you spin on it? It better.

The Sit-n-Crack-Yer-Hed. Let’s see, unstable base + overly sugared kids = ER anyone? (I think this is last year’s unsold snow sleds just re-badged. Nice. Marketing win. I suppose.)

Submitted by Pwnstar

Instead of working today, I’d rather be risking my life:

Who’s with me?

From Wikipedia:

Lawn darts (also called Jarts or yard darts) is a lawn game for two players or teams. A lawn dart set usually includes four large darts and two targets. The game play and objective are similar to both horseshoes and darts. The darts are similar to the ancient Roman plumbata. They are typically 12 inches (30 cm) long with a weighted metal or plastic tip on one end and three plastic fins on a rod at the other end. The darts are intended to be tossed underhand toward a horizontal ground target, where the weighted end hits first and sticks into the ground. The target is typically a plastic ring, and landing anywhere within the ring scores a point.

While the tip may not be sharp enough to be obviously dangerous, when misused, these darts can cause skull punctures and other serious injuries.

On December 19, 1988, all lawn darts were banned from sale in the United States by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Shortly after, in 1989, they were also banned in Canada. Lawn darts, used in an outdoor game, have been responsible for the deaths of three children, the latest being in early 1997 near Elkhart, Indiana.