Submitted and Written by Mike, flightless drunkard of a bird

Introduced in 1994 as “Ice by Budweiser”, it has more alcohol (5.5% ABV) than Budweiser. It is best known for an advertising campaign that involved a malevolent penguin that stalked Bud Ice drinkers and stole their beer.

Penguins really like to play beer pong. It’s a well-known fact.

Submitted and Written by Travis S, [insert swine flu joke here]

I wasn’t sure if this submission was referring to the classic E. B. White novel or the animated musical it was adapted into. But both are wins, for sure. (We don’t talk about the 2006 live-action film.)

Submitted and Written by Amanda M, who loves surprises

Puppy Surprise was an early ’90s toy from Mattel that could come with anywhere between 2 to 5 puppies in her womb. The womb was velcro, so your puppy could give birth over and over again to your heart’s content. I had one, and I loved mine (I got gipped though – 2 puppies).

There’s a phrase you don’t hear everyday: “velcro womb.”

Apparently most kids were getting two or three puppies, rarely the coveted five puppy payoff. Googling “puppy surprise” came up with this hilariously NSFW (language-wise, at least) rant about getting only three puppies. An excerpt:

THREE F****** PUPPIES? HOW COULD THIS BE… OMIGOD WHAT DID YOU DO TO DESERVE THIS!??# As the tears stream down your face, you decide I WON’T LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE I ONLY GOT THREE PUPPIES IN MY PUPPY ASSF****** SURPRISE.

Read the rest.

Submitted by Alana H

There was a commenter who was pretty upset because he/she thought I was promoting I Can Has Cheezburger when I explained the film Gremlins in terms of LOLcats. Obviously, that wasn’t what I was trying to do because, in reality, Cheezburger is ubiquitous and insanely popular. Why? Uh, because people love cats and dogs, and they love them even more when they can talk.

I don’t really need to explain why Homeward Bound: The Incredibly Journey is a classic. It’s one of the few universal rules: pets are awesome.

Also awesome: Michael J. Fox as the voice of Chance.

Submitted by B Mackin

My Little Pony was introduced in the early ’80s, and even outsold Barbie at one point in the decade. Like all popular toy franchises of the era, it spawned a television series and eventually a feature-length film, which had Danny DeVito among its voice cast.

One thing I never understood — why do some of the ponies have wings? Also, doesn’t that make them Little Pegasuses or something?