Submitted by Stephen G, a zookeeper among men.

Was there any toy more practical for a suburban child? I was able to hear a hippo attack a mile away.

Submitted by Susan V, human de Bordeaux:

What is not to like here? Tom Hanks? A big, slobbery Dogue de Bordeaux (that would be Hooch) that—wait for it—helps solve a crime?! Oh, dog may be man’s best friend, but he is also man’s best costar. This 1989 film performed well at the box office (an attempt at a spin-off television series was even made) depsite later becoming a constant source of jokeage for Mr. Hanks upon becoming more famous.

Submitted by Bob S, aristocrat.

Though this 1970 Disney film (the first not to be supervised by Mr. Disney) was not a commercial success, it seems that many people still hold the film dear. How could you not? The playful pun of the film’s title? The drugging of adorable cartoon kittens? A kidnapping plot? Cats singing jazz in 1910 France? I like the “scales and arpeggios” scene with the piano-playing cats. Commercial success or not, I’ll take my Aristocats over Disney’s Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Singing animals are not always a pleasure to watch.

Submitted by Asiah M, balance beam champion.

SPOILER ALERT! The weights that allow this bird to balance on just about anything–a table edge, your finger, your nose–are located in the tips of the wings. I hope I haven’t ruined the magic for any of you. These simple marvels were, and still are, marketed as educational toys that teach children (and adults) about things like gravity and center of mass. And to think I just thought they were fun. Lesson learned. Off to physicist school!

Submitted and Written by Kae J, [insert swine flu joke here]

Pass the Pigs! Originally called Pig Mania! A sweet sweet game where you… rolled… pigs? I guess. I remember an extremely intricate scoring system. Double Leaning Jowler zomgz!!!11!!